Written By: Hans Appel “Leadership is the skill of influencing people to action, with character that inspires confidence and excellence.” -James C Hunter Last week, our school was thrilled to bring in leadership expert James C Hunter to speak to our district about the incredible influence educators have on the world. Hunter is a bestselling author, world renowned speaker, and leadership consultant. He works with fortune 500 companies, all the military branches, and countless organizations around the world. His work with servant leadership, character, and creating excellence have become the backbone to the Character Strong program, which EMS implemented last year. After spending the past week in Brazil, he flew into the Tri-Cities to check out our Award Winning Culture. One of the highlights with Hunter included him regaling us with tales from behind the scenes of his critically acclaimed book “The Servant” over dinner. There’s something truly special about asking an author specific questions about choice, process, and background that led to such groundbreaking work. We were also fortunate to interview him for our Student-Led Leadership Podcast, Award Winning Culture: Hosted by Wildcat Nation. Hunter joined in our staff meeting as leadership students taught our teachers how to “Find Your Why” using Simon Sinek material and he even took a school tour of our new flexible seating classrooms. It was an exceptional time with this Character Strong gentleman! During Hunter’s formal presentation for our district, he differentiated between Power vs Authority; explaining how “authority is the skill of getting people to willingly do your will because of your personal influence.” On the other hand he said: “power is the ability to force or coerce others to do your will (even if they would choose not to) because of your position or your might.” He explained that leaders with authority can influence greatness out of their folks by explaining that people will say things like “I’ll do it for her...but not for him.” He challenged principals by saying “are you the type of leader who creates a culture where teachers want to transfer to.” Furthermore, he believes that teachers should be striving for classrooms that students are begging to get into. As you can imagine, the 2 ½ hour presentation was peppered with Wooden-esk leadership brilliance. It’s the type of learning experience we dream our students might have, in our own classrooms.. Electric and Empowering! To be fair, my 24 hours with Hunter included so many lessons, takeaways and insights, I couldn’t possibly do it justice in a single blog. So, I anticipate sprinkling bits of wisdom throughout my blog series. But here’s one story that stood out from the experience... A couple days prior to Hunter’s presentation, our principal (Jennifer Klauss) mentioned in a staff meeting that she would love #WildcatNation staff members to sit up close in the Richland High School Auditorium, for the leadership presentation. She explained that this would be a great way to show respect to Mr. Hunter and that she did not anticipate the auditorium being filled so it would be nice to all move toward the front. There was no mandate or requirement. She certainly made no threat or attempt to force us to sit up front. She simply said “I’d really appreciate it, if you guys would help me out and sit near the front” and then articulated why this was important to her. The morning of Hunter’s presentation was filled with excitement! Numerous EMS staff members showed up early with anticipation of listening to someone who’s work we had studied all last year. There was a buzz in the room, as folks were passing out handouts, helping set up technology, and chatting about Hunter’s books. As expected, every EMS staff member that entering the auditorium, invariably made their way down to the front few rows. Standing near me was a ‘leader’ from another building. It became clear to me that no other school, had been given the expectation to sit up near the front. Indeed, as educators from other buildings walked in, they were immediately barked at by this leader with comments like: “MOVE TO THE FRONT!” “YOUR NOT SITTING IN THE BACK!” “SLIDE DOWN!” “I DON’T WANT ANYONE SITTING IN THE BACK!” “I DON’T WANT TO ASK AGAIN!” “WE NEED EVERYONE TO MOVE TO THE FRONT!” Most everyone obeyed the ‘order’ and moved toward the desired front region of the auditorium. Although, it may not surprise you that there were about 4 educators, who came in and sat in the very last possible row of the auditorium. I’m not even sure they could see the stage, as they had a partially obstructed view. From my vantage point, it appeared to be a complete ‘screw you’ to the LOUD leader who was attempting to control the environment, as people entered the building. I couldn’t help but imagine if these 4 adults were instead students in a class led by this ‘leader’, how might this power struggle play out? Ultimatums? Threats? Calling an Administrator? Referral? Worse yet…Police? At the same time, standing near this almighty powerful ‘leader’ was a counselor, a vice principal and an officer from my school. While the other school’s ‘leader’ was shouting orders, these 3 servant leaders greeted, smiled and welcomed people into the auditorium. They shook hands, and happily showed up early to enhance others affect. It was a completely different experience, depending on who greeted you and what building you were from. I thought back to how different this might have gone, had this leader and other district leaders taken the time to set clear expectations of sitting in the front and explaining the ‘WHY’ behind the request. It was also a little sad to see how this quick negative experience for some, walking into the building, dampened their mood. Creating a welcome, positive start didn’t seem like rocket science but I could visualize how this negative greeting might play out in a classroom setting. Hunter, who has interacted with the best and worst leadership examples in the world is keenly aware of organizational climate and culture. He’s the kind of guy that listens uber closely and sees even the things you’re trying to hide. When he speaks, there is no wasted motion as every word has meaning and intention behind it. I expect he noticed part of the scene as at one point, he leaned over toward me and said “man, you have a lot of servant leaders...no wonder you’re playing above the rim.” His basketball analogy was a compliment to the Award Winning Culture that we’ve worked so hard to create. Additionally, his brief comment conveyed how powerful it could be, to intentionally focus on a culture of character, excellence, and community. As I sat down, in my front row seat; prepared to be dazzled by a master servant leader, I felt a warm sense of gratitude toward my principal and our Wildcat Nation culture. In the end, Hunter was right... I’ll do it for her...not for him...for her. Are you leading with power or AUTHORITY? About the AuthorHans Appel, has been a school counselor in the Richland School District for the past 17 years and at Enterprise Middle School since it opened. He's passionate about school culture, servant leadership, and kindness.
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Written By: Hans Appel “We build a culture of readers by establishing a school-wide learning community where students have equal access and opportunity to books, activities, adult models of readers, and reinforcement of the value of reading.” --Mandy Ellis In her landmark book, “Lead with Literacy”, Ellis makes a strong case urging educators to lead with: Passion, Immersion, Rapport, Ask & Analyze, Transformation, and Enthusiasm. Furthermore, she explains “If we as leaders and educators aren’t serving as strong models of lifelong reading, we cannot expect our students to become readers; they will follow our example far more readily than they will heed our words.” Following Ellis’ advice, I’ve been reading, writing and thinking A LOT about what makes an #AwardWinningCulture... Award Winning Culture thrives when educational leaders create special opportunities designed to promote personalized literacy exploration. At Enterprise Middle School, I’m fortunate to work with some outstanding literacy leaders including our incredible librarian, Michelle Lane. Michelle is a forward thinking literacy advocate who has created an absolutely epic annual event called Cavalcade of Authors (COA). Since 2007, Michelle and her team of volunteers have been planning, organizing, and leading a writing conference where secondary students across our region are given access to some of the best Young Adult authors of our modern era. There are writing contests, featured book talks, panel discussions and autograph sessions. COA provides students a chance to learn and interact with the very authors whose books they are reading.
The authors are given the full #WildcatNation VIP (Very Interesting Person) treatment with an adult event the night before, red carpet entrance, and all of their needs met with exceptional hospitality and service. But if all Michelle accomplished throughout the year was one incredible event, her passion for creating lifelong readers might fall short of Ellis’ push for consistent daily literacy opportunities. Instead, Michelle brings an unmatched enthusiasm for helping all students develop a love for reading and writing EVERYDAY! She creates incredible book talks for students, even facilitating student voice with student book recommendations. She creates crazy over the top activities like her March Madness book bracket, where students can vote on their top book. Furthermore, she’s committed to creating a safe, open space for all students. She meets with various student groups to ensure our library offers the type of literature that students desire and makes an intentional point of creating relationships with some of our most high needs students. By creating a warm, welcome place for all of #WildcatNation she ensures the library is a hub of literary diversity. With a school focused on Character, Excellence, and Community, I’m grateful to work with such an exceptional literacy leader. Armed with a summer of rest and reflection, I’m excited to see what #FutureDriven ideas Michelle has to keep reading and writing a school-wide obsession. How will you turn up the dial on your school’s passion for literacy? About the AuthorHans Appel, has been a school counselor in the Richland School District for the past 17 years and at Enterprise Middle School since it opened. He's passionate about school culture, servant leadership, and kindness. Written By: Hans Appel 17+ years ago, when I began my career, I was a counselor who worked in education. But time, experience, and perspective have a funny way of changing your sense of self. Warning to educators reading this, you might be upset by what I’m about to say. Ok, here goes: In my experience SOME educators spend too much time focusing on what their title and/or role ‘should be’ and not enough time integrating into the school system. I know. I told you this would be controversial. But far to often I hear things like “that’s not my job” “they can’t make us do that” and “this is not what we really should be doing.” Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to have a 250 to 1 student/counselor ratio; which the American School Counselor Association (ASCA) recommends. I fully believe in the ASCA national model of Academic, Personal Social, and College/Career focus. Additionally, I think it’s my job to educate students, staff, and parents how I fit into the school system. But, educating others about what I do isn’t enough and certainly doesn’t ensure me to “Be REAL” (Thanks Tara Martin!) within the school system. In her incredible book, Tara argues that educators might strive to being: -R Be Relatable -E Expose Vulnerability -A Always be Approachable -L Constantly Learn through real-life experiences If educators were more focused on being REAL, perhaps our profession would be even stronger! In Heidy LaFleur’s book “Hop on the Clue Bus”, LaFleur adroitly invites educators to a common sense approach to leadership. LaFleur inspires through age old futuristic concepts like listening, empathy, and relationships. She reminds us that integrating ourselves into a school system isn’t rocket science but instead: human science. Her style is transparently refreshing as she abandons games and mind tricks and falls back on compassion, accountability, and love. She’s the kind of educator who seems to have worn many hats throughout her experience and understands others’ roles expertly! One of my favorite educators, Meghan Lawson (who’s the Coordinator of Instructional Services at Hamilton County Educational Service District) recently started a new leadership position. She decided that prior to the first day of work she wanted to learn more about her teammates. She arranged coffee and casual time with co-workers prior to her official first day. WHY? Meghan is a positive leadership dynamo who understands the power of relationships and identifying individual strengths. By taking a little time to ask questions, learn about each person’s job, personal life, etc; Meghan is better prepared to support and serve her team into the future. What if we intentionally connected with new educators to help their transition to our schools and districts by learning about each other before the job started? In “Path 2 Serendipity,” Allyson Apsey reinforces this servant leadership approach to education as she explains “leading while walking alongside others is good for all of us.” She talks about the need to ask questions and learn about others work, when she started her principal position at Quincy Elementary School. Rather than focusing on her role being: 'I’m the principal and I need to have all the answers'; she integrated into the building by learning about others. She asked questions, learned about others' strengths and roles and slowly figured out how best to support: The Q. Why is our role or title so important to us? Who's 'role' is to create an #AwardWinningCulture? School culture is on all of us! These are OUR communities! These are OUR schools! These are OUR students! I recently read David Guerin’s epic book “Future Driven.” In “Future Driven”, David has perfectly modeled the premise of his book as he resists spoon feeding readers all the answers on creating optimal learning environments but instead creates conditions for educators to do real thinking about how to create learning experiences for the future. In the same vein as the “Innovator’s Mindset” by George Couros, "Future Driven" is the kind of book, I anticipate being relevant 30+ years from now. David succinctly inspires by saying “we must create schools that reflect the world we live in, not the one we grew up in.” My question to David: Shouldn’t this apply to educators’ own learning as well as student learning? While I’m confident that compartmentalized job roles served our school admirably for years, perhaps there’s a need for more overlap of roles than previously thought. Or at the very least, an overlap in understanding of said roles. After working through David’s powerful insights, I began to wrestle with the idea that perhaps some of our professional development might be better focused on learning outside of our present job title. In other words, empathy, proficiency, and competency of educators could be improved with a willing dive into other colleagues skill zones. Some forward districts are already allowing educators to personalize their professional development pathway... Imagine a teacher who can expertly meet a student’s emotional needs, within the classroom? How might student experience be different if the adults they worked with had varying skills? Are teachers the only educators in schools offering instruction? Would there be value in a counselor learning to use direct instruction when working with an at-risk student or group of students? Are counselors the only adults qualified to teach social emotional learning and or character ed? Many schools, have moved toward teaching the Whole Child through advisory and/or leadership curriculum such as Character Strong. These schools realize that an intentional focus of Social Emotional Learning and Character Ed, coupled with strong relationships (Teacher/Student) is a recipe for success. Think about it another way: is it reasonable to leave all leadership tasks for administrators? Perhaps the key to creating an #AwardWinningCulture isn’t about finding new or better people. Award Winning Culture fosters positive leaders at all educational levels. Students, Staff, and Community. We can’t sit back and put all the onus of leadership on the shoulders of a few people with the title: leader. How can we build leadership at all levels? Maybe it starts by creating an environment that encourages risk taking, leap jumping, and comfort breaking. Consider this, are coaches the only adults who need to give the occasional inspiring pep talk? Would other adults benefit from learning the customer service skills of our most talented administrative assistants? How might the overall school synergy change if we all had some greater range of skills in teaching, leading, serving, counseling, etc. Imagine #ThePepperEffect (Thanks Sean!) that could be generated with bandmates who possessed a diverse skill set. I guess the underlying question is: Are we willing to concede that all adults in the schoolhouse are “educators”? One of the best ways an educator can become “REAL” is through cross-training. **Cross training is the idea of training in one field with the purpose of raising one’s effectiveness in another field. We often understand cross training in terms of sports. Since I’m a huge football fan, and it’s nearing the end of summer, I’ll start with that “field” (pun intended) My favorite football player BY FAR was Walter Payton. When he retired, he was the all time NFL rushing leader and a sure fire 1st ballot hall of famer. They even named an award after him: The Walter Payton Man of Year, for his exceptional character. For years, people wanted to know the secrets to his stamina, agility, grit, and “sweetness” on the gridiron. Payton was legendary in his workout regime, which included running an intense hill each day...later renamed “Payton’s Hill.” By pushing himself beyond his limits running up and down, and even backwards, Payton stretched himself beyond what other running back were doing to establish new success in cross training. Ironically, running hills is now considered common place for running backs. But in the 1970’s and 1980’s this form of intense training was very cutting edge. In the past 10 years, football organizations are continuing to push the boundaries on cross training with ideas like ultimate fighting, boxing, and wrestling. Defensive and offensive lineman work on such hand to hand combat skills in an effort to develop an advantage when lined up against another gigantic athlete, across the line of scrimmage. It’s not that they will be physically assaulting the other team (although some have described football as an organized car accident). However, football coaches understand that games are won in the trenches. Essentially one man trying to impose his will on another man. One player trys to protect the person with the ball and the other player trys to tackle the person with the ball. Hand placement can be crucial to gaining leverage on another oversized human being. Teams have incorporated a host of physical cross training to strengthen key elements of the game. Perhaps the newest and most outside the box cross-training is mental conditioning. Athletes like Seattle Seahawk quarterback, Russell Wilson and Deshaun Watson, have become synonymous with Mental conditioning coaches like Trevor Moawad. Moawad has been deemed the “best brain trainer” by Sports Illustrated for delivering advanced mindset solutions to the most driven leaders in competitive sports. Moawad’s team simply help motivated individuals reach peak performance by training their minds. While I’m obsessed with football, cross training isn’t limited to my favorite sport. Basketball players like Kareem Abdul Jabbar prescribed to learning yoga to increase flexibility and recovery from the pounding their bodies take on the hardwood. Basketball coaches like Phil Jackson, even facilitated group meditation exercises during practices. Some baseball players have even been known to study ballet. Furthermore, gymnastics has been shown to be helpful to competitive swimmers. But cross training isn’t limited to athletes. Chess players are frequently encouraged to play soccer. Actors sign up for improv classes. And most educators are aware of the positive student connection between math ability and learning to play a musical instrument. Even the business world has jumped on board this future driven mindset. Companies routinely cross train employees by having cashiers and/or customer service representatives learn a variety of aspects of company operations to help ensure empathy for both fellow employees and customers. Some tech specific companies even pay employees with bonuses for becoming certified in branches of the business, outside of their daily work routine. Indeed, mega successful companies like Netflix, Starbucks, and Amazon are so passionate about training employees outside of their companies, their willing to lose good folks for the betterment of company morale. [Amazon even pays up to $12,000 for tuition, fees, and textbooks to allow employees to pursue education unrelated to Amazon]. I recently saw an enlightening post on Instagram from Danny Steele, principal at Thompson 6th grade. Danny had sent a picture of himself working with the custodial staff, as he "learned how to strip floors today." Danny has shared other inspiring tweets about his outstanding custodial staff. It's clear he has a servant leadership heart for his team! A cursory look at the Instagram picture may have yielded the conclusion that Danny’s time spent working with the custodial folks was a brilliant relationship building opportunity. Yes! I think that’s certainly true. But further interpretation of Danny’s experience also gave Danny an understanding of the complexity of his staff’s job. By being a lead learner, he gained insight and empathy into the custodial and maintenance world; therefore, Danny became an even stronger leader in his ability to anticipate and understand staff needs. A bonus of the activity is increased positive influence with key educational staff. Danny’s willingness to learn outside the “principal space” is certainly a brilliant expression of vulnerability and a perfect example of cross-training. What if administrators were willing to answer the phones for an hour, while the secretaries observed classrooms. What insights into the front office culture might be gleaned? What classroom takeaways might secretaries or admin assistance bring back to their everyday interactions with parents? At my school, our outstanding secretaries even cross train each other; thus, they ensure that they’re all capable of being the critical cog that makes the front office run smoothly. By being able to do each others jobs at a functional level, they ensure all stakeholders are met with exceptional customer service. Are we willing to integrate ourselves into the entire school system? Or are we DEFINED by our job title? Recently, at the National Principals conference in Chicago, no surprise to anyone...it was almost all principals. However, the experience and takeaways were pure M.A.G.I.C for a non-administrator like me. How incredible would it be to send a team of teacher leaders to a conference like this? Imagine the growth they might make? At a recent school counselor conference, most all participants were...school counselors. What if school psychologist or administrators were wrapped into these opportunities. What if we intentionally ventured to conferences outside of our job title or role? Imagine the learning.What books are you reading? Who do you follow on social media? Why not participate in a new twitter chat? OR...Locate a new educational blogger. I hear prominent educators speak glowingly about their TRIBE. But does a Tribe have to be made up of a homogenous group? If we’re only surrounding ourselves with people of similar educational experiences, we’re probably not pushing ourselves into uncharted waters. It’s ironic to me that as I’ve begun to build my own PLN, I’m mostly drawn to non-counselors. Invariably I love interacting and learning from teachers, coaches, administrators, para-professionals, authors, consultants, speakers, etc. Remember growth only occurs when we go beyond our comfort zones. Think about challenging yourself to learn a new skill or concept. This past week I’ve been learning amazing new concepts from the #HiveSummit with Michael Matera. He’s pushed virtual PD to epic levels with teachings from incredible educators on concepts like #BookSnaps #Gamification #Sketchnotes and much more. To be truthful, much of the content isn’t specific to counselors. But the chance to learn about cutting edge instructional tools, strategies, and outside the box thinking has been worth every minute! I’m a better counselor for my time spent BEE-ing in the HIVE! On the flip side, we need experts within a school building. The training, abilities, and specific talents that we all bring to the table should and could not be overlooked. I’m not suggesting that we all become interchangeable parts. We’ve all been drawn to certain aspects of education due to our own personality, education, and prior experience. But imagine if we all understood each other’s work on a deeper level. The type of service we might provide our students of the future could reach special heights. My challenge to educators is to learn our colleagues’ strengths, skills and needs so that we can effectively support the educational ecosystem. This only happens if we’re willing to listen, ask questions, engage, and occasionally cross train outside of our comfort zones. While it’s great to communicate your roll and how you fit into the school, it may be even more important for you to reach out and discover more about your peers and co-workers. Who knows maybe you’ll also discover something about yourself? Are you a Principal? Administrator? Coach? Teacher? Psychologist? Therapist? Etc? I urge you to NOT let your JOB TITLE define you! One of my favorite teachers to follow on social media is Nicholas Ferroni, his bio reads: “As a kid, I wanted to be a superhero, psychologist, philanthropist, philosopher, actor, and comedian...So I became a teacher.” I might add to Nicholas’ bio: Educator. After 17+ years in education, and a recent effort to cross-train, I no longer see myself as a counselor who works in education. I’m an EDUCATOR who works as a counselor. Who are you? About the AuthorHans Appel, has been a school counselor in the Richland School District for the past 17 years and at Enterprise Middle School since it opened. He's passionate about school culture, servant leadership, and kindness. Written By: Hans Appel I recently had the pleasure of reading Allyson Apsey’s OUTSTANDING book “Path 2 Serendipity,” Allyson has crafted a beautifully written guide to self-discovery, self actualization, and empowerment! In "Path 2 Serendipity", she weaves heart felt stories with humorous anecdotes to create a treasure trove of authentic life learnings that can only come from experience and introspection. It's the type of JOYFUL expression that inspires one to read, write, and strive to become a better person. I eagerly await Allyson's next literary journey but for now, inspired by Allyson's willingness to share her most vulnerable paths, I find myself compelled to write about a painful loss...and the character lessons I learned... Almost a year ago, I found myself sitting in a Character Strong training. I can sincerely tell you that in 17+ years of education, it was hands down the best professional development, I’ve ever been to. I came away energized, empowered, and eager to help turn Enterprise Middle School into an Award Winning Culture. Part way through the experience, John Norlin, asked us to think about who was the one person that had the most influence on our lives. Some people reflected on a family member, a coach, or even a teacher. But for me, the choice was obvious: Mom. As I worked through's John's leadership activity, I found myself thinking about some of the character lessons I associate with my mom. My mom was an exceptional person! We were close, my entire life, and we grew even closer as I morphed into adulthood. I know I’ll be sharing funny and touching stories about my mom in upcoming blogs but today I'll share some the character lessons I learned overcoming her loss. When I was in college, after my parents divorce, my mom moved back to Texas (her family and close childhood friends created a safe landing back for this southern belle). While we didn’t see each other nearly as often, as I was thousands of miles away in Washington State; our long phone calls kept us as connected as ever when I transitioned from college to professional school counselor. In May of 2003, I received a frightening phone call from my mom where she explained that she had stage 4 Breast Cancer and that they would be starting Chemo immediately. She explained that mastectomy was not an option as the cancer was highly aggressive and had already spread. I was 27 years old at the time, while mom would soon turn 54. While I knew almost nothing about breast cancer at the time, I was aware of one scary genetic fact. My mom’s mom died of breast cancer in her mid 30’s (when my mom was just a little girl). If I understood anything about this scary disease, it was that it was incredibly serious. During the next few months my wife (Jen) and I traveled to visit my mom. We knew there wasn’t a lot we could do from thousands of miles away but were confident that our presence provided a little positive energy for her to endure chemo. Those of you whose lives have been impacted by breast cancer, or for that matter, CANCER, know what kind of AWFUL disease it is. But the Chemo used to treat cancer can be almost equally damaging to the body. Upon our first visit, my mom had lost all her hair, looked very weak but was steadfast with her humor and passion for taking care of others. After much cajoling we convinced my mom to let us clean her house. She was very prideful and used to keeping her home up to a pristine state. But with the illness, her usual house routines had taken a back seat and we knew she needed help. While I visited and entertained mom, Jen took the next few hours and cleaned her entire home from top to bottom...inside and out. It was immaculate when Jen was finished! Afterwards, my mom began to cry and express gratitude; she shared that no one had ever done anything like that for her before. At first, we weren’t sure what she meant. Cleaning the house? No, “serving me in such a meaningful and loving way.” My mom and Jen spent the next few moments laughing and crying. That experience left a lasting bond for both of them and it taught me valuable lesson: Serving others can have a positive influence on everyone involved! As the weekend drew to a close, we committed to our next visit. Throughout that summer we spent as much time as possible with my mom. But at the end of August, school was starting and it was time to refocus on our lives in Washington. My wife had a classroom to get ready for students and I had schedules to prepare. Over the next few weeks, I kept tabs on her ups and downs of treatment from a far. On Friday September 12th, 2003, I received a phone call that my mom had passed away in the night due to complications of the cancer spreading to her brain and other organs. It was one day before her 54th birthday. Flooded with emotion, Jen and I boarded a plane and spent the next week and a half grieving, planning a funeral service, and dealing with decisions outside my emotional capability. For those who have lost a parent, you understand the complexity and multitude of tasks that need to be taken care of. Beyond the pain and loss there were dozens of decisions and items to be completed. Flowers and Casket to buy. A house to pack up. Calls to make. Financial decisions to be considered. Items to sell. Death certificates to obtain so that I could send them to various agencies. Being from out of state, provided additional challenges in dealing with the Will, estate, and court system because I had been named executor. There were loans and liens to work through. (My mom was an amazing woman but not as financially prepared as one might hope). Through all the craziness my wife was an absolute rock! I couldn’t have gotten through all of it without her love and support. During one of the days, I felt compelled to write something to be read at my mom’s upcoming service. I had remembered back a few years earlier sitting in a district PD training with LA teacher and Richland High School Head Football Coach Mike Neidhold. (Side note: Mike just led his RHS Bombers to a State Championship this past season). During the ELA presentation, nearly 2 years prior to my mom's death, Mike talked about using vulnerability with his students and shared an essay he wrote about his father’s unexpected death. He read his moving and powerful tribute about his dad to us that day; in the same way he did for his students when sharing voice in writing. While he had had no idea the influence he might have on anyone (including me) that day, his words, actions, and thoughts stayed with me. Sitting on an unmade bed, in Texas, in a pile of tears and anger, I vividly remembered back to Neidhold sharing how cathartic the experience of writing was for him, when he had lost his dad. I figured, if it was good enough for Neidhold, I’d give it a try. I spent the next couple hours writing a short letter to my mom, that would be shared at the service. I think those were the first meaningful words I ever wrote. I agonized over every word in that letter. This was such a painful writing experience but incredibly helpful in my grieving process. My dear mom letter was well received as friends and family took delight in my brief tribute to who my mom really was. Having to put words to powerful emotions helped me work through pain in a way that aided my challenging journey. [Several months removed from the funeral, I decided to frame the letter and hang it near a picture of my mom, in my house. At first, I couldn’t read through that letter without getting choked up. But, over time, I began to look at both the letter and photo of mom with a warmth that filled my entire body. It was my way of staying connected to mom and now years later always makes me smile]. Coach Neidhold’s solution to grief was spot on and while everyone has to find their own “Path to Serendipity,” Neidhold had laid out a perfect blueprint for me to find peace. After a week and half in Texas with funeral service completed, it was time to return home and get back to school. My first day back fell on a Tuesday. Every Tuesday and Thursday a group of teachers/coaches got together at 6am to play morning hoops. I’m sure that sounds crazy to some of you non-morning folk but you’ll have to trust me that it was worth every minute. It was an exceptional way to release competitive juices and connect with colleagues. I never missed a Tuesday or Thursday. But my mom’s passing meant that I had been gone the previous week's hoop days and I was eager to get back to some sense of normalcy. My return to school that day meant that the guys at morning hoops would be my first contact with anyone in person, since I landed back in Washington, after an emotionally exhausting week. My typical routine was to show up about 15 minutes early to stretch, shoot baskets, and generally warm up before we started playing. Another competitor always arrived at about the same time with a similar warm up routine each day. Paul Mayer, was and still is the Head boys basketball coach and leadership teacher at Hanford High School. (Side Note: The Hanford High School Boys Basketball team was named the 2018 academic state champions with a 3.64 GPA.) Paul was as usual one of the first people in the gym that early morning. Paul and I had a highly competitive yet respectful matchup for years. He was a fierce competitor who left it all on the court! In 10+ years of playing ball together, I’m not sure that we ever got to play on the same team. We invariably found ourselves on different sides of this epic decade long battle and truth be told I loved nothing more than beating Paul's team. I have no doubt he felt equally satisfied, when they kicked our butts (which happened far more often than I wished). That morning, I remember feeling a little awkward about playing basketball and just generally how people would interact with me as students, co-workers, and morning hoopers had heard about me losing my mom. While I was sitting down stretching in this mostly empty gym, I looked up to see a long arm extended out toward me. Needless to say, it was Paul. “We missed you man. I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine losing my mom. I’m so happy you're back.” We shook hands, exchanged pleasantries and jumped into another typical basketball game. Paul’s kind words have stuck with me for years. It was exactly what I needed to hear that morning. He demonstrated empathy, humility, and respect. Many times, people don’t know what to say so they avoid difficult conversations. Sometimes people try and make a joke or ignore you. Coach Mayer communicated to me that he SAW ME, UNDERSTOOD on some level, and WELCOMED me back. Any doubt I had about getting back to normalcy quickly went out the window, as I was ready to jump back in to our weekly competition. Years removed from this, I can’t tell you how I played or who won that game but I know that this warm, positive exchange helped me transition back to school that day. This interaction has also made me very aware of how I greet and interact with students who return to school after going through something traumatic. What do you say to a student who has recently been through tragedy? How do you show compassion and empathy? Paul's words and actions provide a perfect outline for reconnecting after a loss. Fast forward to last summer, as I sat and thought about my mom’s influence on my life during the Character Strong training last August. I began to reminisce about all the people who helped me overcome her passing. Who else sat across the library, learning about leadership, culture, and character? Paul Mayer. The irony isn’t lost on me. As I write all of this, I’m not exactly sure what I hope you take away. Ideally, you recognize how a simple act of service can positively flip someone's spirits. Perhaps, I want you to consider the influence you have on others. Maybe, I hope that you’ll share gratitude for the influence that some special individuals have had on your life. You might also feel compelled to say thank-you to someone who helped you overcome something challenging. I will tell you that I’ve shared all parts of this story with various students over the years. I’ve described the grit and toughness that it takes to work through Chemo. I’ve expressed how powerful serving someone can be for both you and the person you serve. I’ve told them about Coach Neidhold’s impact on me using writing to work through grief and showed them my dear mom letter (see below). I’ve detailed what a student or teacher can say to someone who’s transitioning back from trauma or tragedy by reflecting back Coach Mayer’s kind words. And most importantly I've tried to model the Character I've observed from my mom, my wife, Paul, Mike...and countless others. Recently, I heard that CharacterStrong had branched out into the Coaching/Athletics world. Thinking about the Character and influence of Coach Mayer, Coach Neidhold, and all my own coaches growing up...it felt like a natural extension of an amazing mission. The fit between teaching athletics and raising high character athletes feels like a symbiotic relationship. I certainly hope to bring this branch to Richland School District real soon. I’ve left out a few funny stories, touching moments and some additional takeaways from losing my mom but with time and space limitations, I wanted to share the most salient lessons relating to Character and Influence. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll be lucky enough to receive a book deal to share my full vision of the magic behind an Award Winning Culture. But until that wish is granted, I’ll leave you with this... Perhaps, the biggest lesson learned through persevering through the loss of my mom is that: We have an opportunity to give others a magical gift of positive influence if we’re willing to be vulnerable, kind, and compassionate while serving their needs. **I think Award Winning Cultures recognize the influence that strong Character can have on EVERYONE. Sometimes I try and imagine all the people that my mom influenced in her almost 54 years. On my hardest days as an educator, I focus on the hope that I’ve influenced a few people in such a positive way. As a new school year begins, I know that Mayer, Neidhold, Jen and other coaches and educators around the country will continue to have a profound influence on students. So, will you take their lead? Will you head Allyson Apsey's advice, "There is no greater blessing than to appreciate the gift of love and life." And when thinking about challenging times, please remember Allyson's suggestion, "Just one strong, healthy, positive relationship can help pull you through. Just one." Will you be that 'one' for someone this year? Who might YOU positively influence this year? About the AuthorHans Appel, has been a school counselor in the Richland School District for the past 17 years and at Enterprise Middle School since it opened. He's passionate about school culture, servant leadership, and kindness. |
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Enterprise Middle School received the 2018 ASCD Whole Child Award in Washington, for its award winning culture and the 2018 Global "Class Act Award" for Kindness. By creating a culture of kindness, service, and empathy we've taken student leadership to an epic level. aRCHIVES
January 2019
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